"This canonical work is a first attempt to express my feelings for Francisco Estes, my wife's first son, who died from a heroin overdose on May 5, 2013. Francisco was an Iraq Veteran, and really, that's all you need to know to understand what happened to him once he made it back to the States.”
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>>>> This is what I wrote when I first composed and posted this piece to the Web; and though it is true in a way, it doesn't do justice to Francisco's situation or his complex and delicate personality.
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>>>> As a child, Francisco could capture a bee with his hand, turn it over with his fingers, and stroke its belly, without getting stung. During his teenage years, he was an accomplished break dancer: athletic and beautiful. Just before leaving for Iraq, he endured teasing for insisting on rescuing a lost Luna Moth at a gas station. His fellow soldiers laughed as he tried to impress upon them the rarity and beauty of the fragile creature, which he couldn't in good conscience leave to die. Francisco would find more four-leaved clovers in five minutes than most people find in a lifetime. Perhaps, he should not have given so many away.
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>>>> Francisco joined the Mississippi National Guard, because he, like so many others in the little town of Starkville, never had enough money. The recruiters tempted him with scholarships, bonuses, and other benefits. Moreover, he supported the alleged mission of the Guard: Protecting Mississippi from direct invasion and assisting the local populace during natural disasters. But then the Iraq War came. The higher powers in the Armed Forces and Executive Branch got the idea of using the National Guard to fight this war. Francisco was not in favor of invading Iraq, but he felt obliged by his military oath to do his "duty". He went to war, earned some medals, and experienced things of which he could not speak. And when he came back, he came back changed.
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>>>> Francisco told his grandmother, Sandi, “I understand why I was sent to Iraq. I just don't understand why I was chosen to come back.” Filled with rage, incomprehension, and grief over what he had been required to see and do, Francisco drank excessively. He developed a relationship with Heroin. Plagued by guilt, nightmares, and anxiety, he struggled for normalcy. He fell in love, cleaned up, got married, and became a father to a boy-child, Alex, who he adored. Still he struggled with PTSD and various health problems. He began to drink again. Francisco and his wife had a falling out. She divorced him. He received a bit of treatment from the VA and was eventually given disability. Still he struggled. Francisco joined Team River Runner, a group of veterans who used white water kayaking as therapy. He made some friends and became an excellent kayaker. Things were very much up, and down, for him.
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>>>> Francisco had obstacles enough to overcome when his younger brother, Andre, committed suicide. The brothers were close, and he took it hard. Initially, it seemed that Andre's death motivated Francisco to conquer his addictions and move on with his life. He assured his mother that she would never again endure the loss of a child. He was enjoying regular visits with little Alex. He stopped heroin and alcohol. However, as the first anniversary of Andre's death approached, Francisco began a downward spiral that ended with an overdose. When he stopped breathing, his erstwhile companions abandoned him.
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>>>> Francisco was DOA at the hospital, but he was resuscitated and placed on a respirator. The call went out to his relatives, his grandmother and his mother. And his mother had to travel to the University of Kentucky Medical Center, only a year and a month after her youngest son had died in the same hospital. She sat at her eldest son's bedside and hoped against hope for a glimmer of life. After hearing the neurologist's negative prognosis, receiving the reports of all the telltale signs that her son's brain was gravely and irretrievably damaged, the possibility of a return to consciousness nil, she asked that the ventilator be removed. She climbed into bed with him, held him in her arms, and waited for his heart to stop. Which it did, after three days.
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>>>> So - now you have the background to truly understand this piece of music...it is about Francisco's death, as experienced by Francisco, and by the people who were closest to him. It starts with a needle and ends with an absence of breath, but it really started in Iraq.
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